I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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