I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
