so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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