You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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