i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
