I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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