he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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