Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
