I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
