I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
