I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
