Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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