You really coming over, don't trick.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
