and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
