ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
