My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
