i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
