This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
