There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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