So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
