I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize