1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
