Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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