My brain says no but my pants say off.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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