A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
COCAINE IS GR8
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize