I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize