I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
