Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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