i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
