imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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