During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
