Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
