I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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