Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
