is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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