You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
