just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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