Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
