oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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