She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
