At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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