Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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