Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if only i could text you this smell
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
