She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
