The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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