is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How's work?
Spinning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
