Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
