i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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