in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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