Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
