Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
