I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
