i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
