he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
