Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
