she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
