Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
