Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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