hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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