let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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