WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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