better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
