What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
