what day is it and did you see me today?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
